Random Thoughts

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Everyday is an internal struggle.

Everyday is a question of faith, an account of character.

And everyday I stumble and every moment I falter, I fall.

In the early hours of the morning, after nights of restlessness, I sit and contemplate for no other reason than to try and understand who I am and who I want to become.

I look back at where I've been and what I've done with my life and my eyes fill with tears.

More often than not, I feel alone.

So caught up in this life, so distracted by the dunya and its attractions I slip away from success in the next life.

I've lost touch of the deen.

I've lost myself in the dunya.

A life unexamined is not worth living.

The balance between planning for this life and the next has tipped in the favor of the former.

I can't help but wonder why things happen the way they do.

Why I am where I am and doing what I do.

I have to remind myself that everything I do is for the sake of Allah.

Every breathe I take.

Every step.

Every thought.

I look back on all the wasted time, the bad moves and the useless thoughts.

Words escape me.

May Allah forgive me for my sins.

May Allah forgive us for our sins.

All the complaining, the disatisfaction, the neediness.

The thought of it makes me sick to my stomach.

Allah is enough for me.

Allah is enough for me.

I'm alive now, but tomorrow I may not be.

Yet I live as though the world will wait on me.

Astagfurallah.

There is so much to contemplate and so little my mind is truly able to comprehend.

I've wasted so much time.

I've lost so many opportunities to purify myself and increase my knowledge for the deen.

If only I could go back and gain another moment to praise my lord...

If only I could go back and replace words of malice with the praises of Allah...

My heart has become weak and my actions even weaker.

I think about death.

The grave.

Meeting my Lord.

I think about that moment and I feel nothing but shame.

How can I meet my Lord in this condition?

I read about that Day in Surah Infitar.

Allah says:

13. As for the Righteous, they will be in bliss;

14. And the Wicked - they will be in the Fire,

15. Which they will enter on the Day of Judgment,

16. And they will not be able to keep away therefrom.

May Allah make us amongst the righteous.

Ya Allah, please give us all the strength to succeed in this struggle.
Ya Allah, fill our eyes with your light.
Ya Allah, make our hearts soft and pure.
Ya Allah, save us from the temptations of this dunya.
Ya Allah, let succeed in both this life and the next.
Oh Allah, forgive us for our sins.

Ya Allah, forgive us our sins.

Ameen

Ma'salaama.